Make yourself a priority

“Make yourself a priority once in a while. Its not selfish. Its necessary.” — Karen A Baquiran

As you chase your dreams and aspirations, true success will elude you until you invest time and effort in strengthening your core self. Most of us usually sail through life without putting much thought into it. When was the last time you had a conversation with yourself? In the normal course of life, we tend to be so busy that we don’t have time to think and reflect.

As life takes us on a journey into uncharted territories, navigating across pleasure and pain, success and failure, eminence and insignificance, the only way to stay grounded and confident is through self-realization. As you are aware, one of the best ways to tackle a complex situation is to break it down into component parts. This gives you comfort and confidence to go ahead. Similarly, we need to demystify our own selves. We need to acknowledge, understand and appreciate our strengths, weaknesses, fears, desires and the circumstances we have experienced. This then becomes a personal treasure trove that we can draw strength, inspiration and confidence from. The stronger the connection we have with ourselves, the stronger is our power.

“The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the relationship with yourself” — Steve Maraboli

A relationship can only thrive when you invest time and effort in it, appreciate it and value it. How many of us can claim to do this with ourselves? I am by no means, suggesting narcissism. I am asking you to give yourself the time and attention you deserve.

Here are a few ways to go about doing it.

There are four key aspects to self-realization:

1. Self-connect

2. Self-appreciation

3. Self-confidence

4. Self-worth

Self-connect: Spend a few minutes everyday to connect with yourself. Voice out your thoughts, analyse them in your mind or maintain a journal to record them. Whatever works for you, as long as you acknowledge all your thoughts and emotions. Identify what makes you happy, what causes despair, what gets you excited and what makes you afraid. Every time you experience a situation that leaves an impact on you, analyse your reactions. The more you understand your emotions, the better your control over them.

Self-appreciation: Find time to appreciate and reward yourself. Find a hobby that helps you relax and rejuvenate. Find something that gets your creative juices flowing. A creative pursuit that you’re passionate about, could transport you to a higher level of consciousness and make you feel alive. Find ways to pamper yourself every once in a while. Whether it is a relaxing massage, a trip to the shopping mall or a short vacation that helps you recharge. Your best investment is the time, money and effort you invest in yourself.

Self-confidence: Celebrate your accomplishments. Take time to savour your victories. When you reflect on your achievements and acknowledge the determination, perseverance, effort and sacrifice it took you to get there, it reinforces your confidence and enhances your self-esteem. Sometimes, an achievement that seems precious to you, may seem worthless to others. Celebrate it nonetheless, because it reaffirms your courage.

Set ambitious goals for yourself. Set out to achieve what your heart really aspires for. Pursue your passions, follow your dreams. When you chase your dreams, you feel more alive and your life feels purposeful. Take risks, if required and do not fear failure. Face your fears. Identify what scares you and face those fears head-on. It will require immense courage to do this, but once it’s done, the resultant feeling of confidence and achievement is incomparable. Each time you face a fear and win over it, it adds to your confidence.

Self-worth: Our self-worth is determined by how we view and value ourselves, not through another’s lens, but through our own. Not by standards set by society, but by our own standards. Not by comparing our achievements with others’, but through our own yardstick and against the goals we set for ourselves. No one, neither your family nor your friends, really know all the circumstances driving you. No one can gauge your situation, your strengths, your weaknesses, your desires and your fears in entirety. Hence, how can they even begin to appreciate your achievements?

Don’t let your sense of self-worth be governed by others. It should come from within you. If you haven’t already read ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ayn Rand, please do. Here’s an excerpt from the book which rings true in current times.

“Listen to what is being preached today. Look at everyone around us. You’ve wondered why they suffer, why these seek happiness and never find it. If any man stopped and asked himself whether he’s ever held a truly personal desire, he’d find the answer. He’d see that all his wishes, his efforts, his dreams, his ambitions, are motivated by other men. He’s not really struggling even for material wealth, but for the second-hander’s delusion — prestige. A stamp of approval, not his own. He can find no joy in the struggle and no joy when he has succeeded. He can’t say about a single thing — “this is what I wanted because I wanted it, not because it made my neighbours gape at me”. Then he wonders why he’s unhappy”

This book was published 76 years ago, but it makes more sense today, than it probably ever did. With the advent of social media, our lives seem to be defined by what others think of us.

Assess and appreciate your self-worth on your own terms. Don’t let others’ opinion either inflate or deflate your worth. No one can ever walk in your shoes and trace your journey accurately. Be true to yourself and confidence will follow.

You have but one life, so understand, appreciate, applaud and celebrate yourself. Not only will it make you happy and satisfied, but it will also give you the courage, confidence and strength to handle whatever life throws at you.