Women should never hesitate to ask for anything

Did you ever hesitate to ask for something that you really wanted? And when you did not get it, did you tell yourself that you probably didn’t deserve it? I have come across multiple instances of women hesitating to ask for what they want. Whether it entails asking for flexibility at work, asking for a promotion or a coveted project, or negotiating their salary, the list goes on and on.

I was prey to such thinking for a long time. I would often hesitate to ask for anything. I would tell myself that if I deserved it, it would come to me. I was so wrong! Well, serendipity does grace our lives on occasion, but most of the time, we need to push our own case.

Internal research by Hewlett-Packard found that women only apply for jobs for which they feel they are a 100% match; men do so even when they meet no more than 60% of the requirements. Women tend to ask or apply for opportunities only if they meet all the criteria. By doing so, we deny ourselves the chance to contest. I analysed my own psyche and spoke to a few women to understand what caused the hesitation. Here is what I discovered, and I hope it encourages you to ask for what you want.

Get rid of fear: Most of the time, we are afraid of how we will be perceived if we ask for something. We wonder if it makes us appear selfish, ambitious or needy. Such thinking is counterproductive. In fact, when you ask for something, people will appreciate you for having the courage and confidence to make your case. Hence, do not be afraid to ask. The first few occasions will require courage and push, but soon it will get easier.

No one has the time to ridicule you: Sometimes, we hold back thinking that others might ridicule us for asking, especially if we do not get what we asked for. The fact is that no one has the time to think about your predicament and ridicule you. And if someone does choose to spend time ridiculing you, they are not worth worrying about.

The experience teaches you: Irrespective of the outcome, the experience teaches you. If you get what you ask for, you become confident and are prepared to do it again. If you don’t get your wish you still learn from the disappointment. The feedback could point you to areas where you need to train further, and the experience gives you courage. Also, by asking, you bring yourself into consideration for the next opportunity.

You won’t regret not trying: If you lose out on something good for lack of trying, it would leave you with regret. Ask yourself ‘what is the worst that could happen?’. Most often, the worst outcome is that you’ll be denied, but you can at least breathe easy knowing that you tried. Hence, even if there is a slight probability for success, you should certainly give it a try.

I once lost out on an amazing opportunity because I assumed I was unqualified and decided not to apply. The opportunity went to someone who was even less qualified than me but had the courage and confidence to apply. While this incident caused considerable regret, it also changed my perspective. Ever since, I have never hesitated to ask for anything. In the process, I won some and lost some, but I don’t have any regrets anymore. Let me leave you with a great thought from an amazing woman.

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for” — Oprah Winfrey